


Big Mess

by smttnpegasus (butwhowouldbuythecupcakes)



Series: Family Is What You Make It [6]
Category: Clexakru - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, PAY ATTENTION TO THE TIME STAMP IN THE SERIES DESCRIPTION, so here you go, the ex drama is here, this is not in chronological order, you guy have asked for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 21:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11426508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butwhowouldbuythecupcakes/pseuds/smttnpegasus
Summary: Lexa hasn't always been the person Clarke knows now. She isn't proud of who she used to be, but how will she handle the cause of that dark side coming back in town?





	Big Mess

The knock at the door startled Lexa out of her quiet thoughts. She was washing up dishes from movie night and had no idea who would be coming over this late. Clarke was giving Aden a bath so she dried her hands and went to the door. When she pulled it open she was shocked to see her sister standing on Clarke’s porch.

“You missed the movie. Everyone left ten minutes ago.” Lexa said as Anya huffed and walked past her into the entryway. She could feel the anxiety rolling off her sister and knew something had to be wrong. Usually Anya was always calm and collected but now she was pacing in the small area and ringing her hands. Lexa walked up to her and grabbed her hands softly in her own. “Anya. Anya, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Anya seemed to finally calm enough to take a deep breath and swallow hard, “We should sit down.”

Now Lexa was seriously worried, she hadn’t seen Anya this upset in a very long time. Not since _that_ night.

She followed her into the living room and Anya sat softly on the coffee table and ran a hand through her hair.

“Really, Anya? There is a perfectly good couch right there?”

“Costia is back.” Anya blurted out and Lexa suddenly felt like a thousand pounds crashed down on her shoulders and she sat heavily on the couch.

“Are you..? How do you..?” She couldn’t even form a full sentence as an old dread crept under her skin.

“Monroe said she came in asking for you today. They weren’t for sure who she was but I know it’s her, Lexa. She was gone by the time I got back from break ,but I know it’s her.” Anya said and her fists were clenched so hard in her lap that her knuckles were white. “I don’t know exactly what I would have done if I had seen her. I had to come tell you. I wanted you to be prepared.”

“Prepared for what?” Anya jumped and looked towards the doorway where Clarke was leaning against the door jam.

Lexa didn’t move. Her eyes stared into space as her hands gripped each other hard enough her knuckles were white. Anya turned back to Lexa and placed a soft hand on her knee. “I’m gonna go but I’m here if you need me Commander?”

Anya nodded to Clarke as she stood and left without another word. Clarke moved to kneel in front of Lexa who was still frozen in her spot on the couch. Clarke had never seen her like this before and it was scaring her. She gently lifted a hand to Lexa’s cheek, “Lex?”

Her green eyes focused on Clarke finally snapped out of the memories that had invaded her mind. Clarke’s face was a mask of concern and Lexa hated to see it. “I’m sorry…”

“No, Lex, don’t apologize. Just talk to me. What’s going on? You’re as white as a sheet.” Clarke said and gripped Lexa’s hand with her own. Lexa swallowed down the emotions that threatened to overflow constantly.

“My…um…my ex is back in town.” She said it simply with as little emotion as she could manage. It was taking everything she had to force the flood down. She hadn’t thought about anything from that time in her life in so long, long before Clarke, but she needed to get this out. “It wasn’t an easy break up, the exact opposite actually. I want nothing to do with her, but if she is back it can’t be for anything good.”

Clarke rose from her knees and sat next to Lexa on the couch and softly rubbed her back feeling the tension in her muscles. “I’m here.”

Lexa turned her head and the pure care in Clarke’s soft blue eyes lifted part of the weight that had crashed onto her shoulders since Anya declared the ghost from her past was back. She leaned into Clarke and the feel of curls against her cheek and an arm coming up to pull her into a much needed embrace felt like home. She felt safe. She felt loved. She let out a shaky breath and inhaled deep to breathe Clarke in before delving into the mire of her past.

“I’ve never really talked about this before so it might take me a minute.” Clarke pressed a feather light kiss to her temple.

“Take as much time as you need.”

Lexa pulled the arm that was around her front down and tangled their fingers together needing the grounding effect of soft skin against her palm. “We met in college and for a while it was good, or I thought it was. I was so young and naive I didn’t see the person I was turning into. I wasn’t a nice person, Clarke. I was mean and judgmental and looked down on people for the stupidest things.” She swallowed hard, “My mom and I were constantly at odds and I thought it was just because she didn’t like Costia but then the last Christmas break of my college career she said something that kind of woke me up. She said she couldn’t recognize me anymore, because there was so much her.”

Lexa closed her eyes and she could still see the devastated look in her mother’s eyes, “I didn’t speak to her for months after that, but I never forgot what she said so I started paying attention and she was right. I had changed myself to be what Costia wanted, what Costia needed, who she thought I should be. So I made a choice. I decided to come back home and help in the store while I wrote my book. Get back to me. The real me.”

“I take it Costia didn’t like that plan.” Clarke said as Lexa paused.

“That would be an understatement. She thought I should start working for a big development company and climb the ranks. Ruthless business shark just like her parents. I could have, but I didn’t want that. The only reason I majored in Business Management in the first place instead of Literature was because I wanted to help Anya with the family business. I forgot that along the way somehow. She always thought my writing was a worthless habit which is why I didn’t write much in college, once I started writing again things became clearer. So I told Costia she could come with me and support _me_ for once or she could cling to a version of me that _wasn’t_ me.” Lexa let out a heavy sigh and felt the weight lift a little bit more. “She chose the latter.”

Clarke didn’t say anything as Lexa paused to find the words to explain what happened next, but her hand never stopped the soothing motions on her back, “It was hard at first, not having her around after basically living together for four years, but I learned to get up and go about my day and write like never before. Then she showed up at my door.”

Lexa involuntarily clenched her hand that was sitting in Clarke’s before continuing, “I thought she had changed, she said all these things about being wrong and understanding what I wanted and that she was gonna be different this time. I still loved her, so I let her back in, but nothing had changed. One night we fought and she stormed out. She was gone for three days. When she came back I tried to be strong but I was weak when it came to her. It went on like that for over a year.”

Lexa hadn’t even realized she had started to cry until Clarke’s hand pulled from hers to wipe softly at her cheeks. “It nearly destroyed me but I finally put my foot down and really chose myself over her. She didn’t take it well. Didn’t like being told no. I haven’t seen her in years but I have this fear of what she is going to do.”

Clarke tipped her chin up with two fingers under her chin. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Lexa smiled softly though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Whatever she is back for she isn’t going to get it. You and Aden, this is all something I never thought I’d have back then and she almost ruined my life once. I won’t let her ruin this.”

“It's okay Lex, I trust you. Do you want to stay tonight?” Clarke asked and Lexa leaned back into her shoulder and nuzzled her neck.

“If that’s okay?” Lexa didn’t want to impose but she needed to be close to the blonde tonight.

“Of course it’s okay, I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t.” Clarke stood from the couch and extended a hand to her, “Come on.”

Lexa let her pull her up into a quick kiss before heading back towards the bedroom.

* * *

 

_She couldn’t believe she had let herself do this again. She was sitting with her back to the sleeping girl and a chill ran up her bare spine. She cradled her head in her hands. This had to stop. It had been three weeks this time. Three weeks of not hearing from her. Three weeks of thinking she wouldn’t come back this time._

_Then Lexa came home from work that day to find her sitting next to her apartment door. She didn’t want to let her in but Costia always knew how to say just the right thing. It hadn’t taken long for them to end up in bed, it never did._

_Lexa reached to the floor where her t-shirt had ended up and pulled it over her head. She was disgusted with herself. Being with Costia didn’t even feel good anymore because she knew how this was going to go. Every time she left it always played out the same way. Costia would come back, they would fuck, then they would fight, and she leaves again. It was tearing Lexa apart slowly and she was letting it happen. Not anymore._

_She stood from the bed and slipped into her pants before gathering up Costia’s clothes from around the room before tossing them on her._

_She sat up and rubbed her eyes, “Lexie, what the…”_

_Lexa leaned against the wall on the far side of the bedroom. “Get dressed and get out.”_

“ _What?” Costia said sitting fully up and not even bothering to lift the sheet to cover herself. Lexa clenched her jaw and looked to the side._

“ _You heard me.”_

_Costia just leaned back on her hands and tilted her head to the side, “Oh, come on, baby. Just get back in bed I’ll make you feel all better.”_

_Lexa worked her jaw but kept her resolve, “No, just get dressed and leave.”_

“ _Lexa…”_

“ _No, I can’t do this anymore, Cos, I can’t.” Lexa said finally turning her face back to the woman. She crossed her arms over her chest feeling far too exposed under the girl’s gaze._

_Costia stood then and pulled her shirt on, “You are being ridiculous. You can’t do what exactly?”_

“ _This! You coming back just to fuck with me till you get pissed off or bored and leave again. I want more than this, Cos.” She shouted finally losing the grip she had on her anger. She was done being tugged around by her heartstrings like some kind of puppet._

_Costia rolled her eyes but then took a few sauntering steps towards Lexa, “Don’t say stuff like that, baby, you know how much you mean to me.”_

_Lexa stepped away from her hands as they reached for her. She couldn’t let her win this time. “Yeah, I do. I’m a body in a bed when you need one.”_

_She looked at Costia then and saw that she wasn’t even upset or hurt, she just looked annoyed. Before she could say anything else in her defense Lexa spoke up, “I gave up so much for you. My mother warned me about you and I pushed her away, because I fucking love you. My sister warned me and I didn’t want to listen so we barely talk anymore. All I asked of you in return was to let me chose what I want to do with my future. You just couldn’t have that, though. You had to control every part of my life and…I let you for so long. Not anymore. I look in the mirror and I can’t stand what I see. It made me realize that I’m happy when you are gone and it’s time I choose my happiness over you. So I’m gonna say it one more time. Get dressed and get out.”_

_Costia just curled her lip in a sneer, “You can’t kick me out.”_

_Lexa lifted her chin and kept her voice level, “I can and I am. Get. Out. Now.”_

_She pulled on her jeans in a huff and pushed past Lexa into the living room. Lexa followed her out to make sure she didn’t leave anything she could use as an excuse to come back. Costia stopped just long enough to pull on her boots._

“ _You are gonna miss me. I know you, Lexie, and you will want me back.” She walked to the door and turned back, “Call me when you come to your senses.”_

_Lexa slammed the door shut behind her. As the apartment settled into silence she let the dam break. Her arms wrapped tightly around her torso as she started to sob and fell to her knees._

* * *

 

She woke with a start and could feel the leftover tension from her dream roll through her body. The feelings flooded her mind like it had all happened yesterday. She turned her head and saw Clarke sleeping soundly with a pillow clutched to her chest. Lexa found it adorable that Clarke slept the best wrapped around something. Most nights she stayed here Lexa found herself waking up entangled with the blonde. She is glad this was the rare night where Clarke turned away in her sleep.

Her breathing was calming down as she watched the blonde’s chest move with each inhale. She wasn’t there anymore. She wasn’t lost anymore. She was about lay her head down and try to get some more sleep when the door creaked open. She heard a soft sniffle and sat up fully.

“Aden?” Her voice was barely a whisper. The little boy was standing in the doorway with his stuffed lion dangling from his hand. When she heard another sniffle she slipped out of bed softly and knelt in front of him. “What is it, Buddy?”

Aden rubbed his eyes, “There’s a monster…”

Lexa extended a hand, “Show me, I’ll protect you.”

Aden nodded and walked slowly back to his room when they walked in he whimpered and pointed to the half open door of his closet. She lifted him up and settled him on his bed, “Stay here. I’ll check it out.”

He griped Lion tighter and nodded but his eyes never strayed from the dark door way. Lexa walked over and opened the door slowly. Inside she couldn’t see much aside from Aden’s clothes and some hastily stacked toys. A foam sword looked to have fallen onto some blocks. _That is probably what scared him._

“No monster. It must have run off when you came to get me.” She said and walked to the small bed. She sat softly and ruffled his hair. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep?”

Aden’s eyes widened and he scrambled into Lexa’s lap, “What if it comes back?”

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead, “How about I stay and protect you?”

Aden nodded and crawled back to his pillow. Lexa tried her best to get comfortable on the tiny bed but half of her legs still hung off the side. She would stay until Aden was asleep again then head back to a more appropriately sized bed. Aden rolled over and curled as close to Lexa as possible and she couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at her lips. _Like mother like son._

Before long her eyelids were hanging heavy and she nodded off.

* * *

 

Lexa felt her neck twinge for the umpteenth time that day. _I am never sleeping on a bed that small again._

She’d ended up staying curled up with Aden until Clarke woke her up to get ready for her shift at the store that morning. Her shoulders and neck were completely locked up and she still had hours left before she could go home. She tried not to focus on the fact when she thought of home it was always Clarke’s house and not her own apartment.

She felt her phone buzz and she checked around to see the store empty before pulling it out of her pocket.

**Is you neck still bothering you?**

Lexa smiled. Clarke had offered to try and work out the knots this morning but she had already been running late.

**I can barely turn my head :(**

She moved to start straightening a purse display that had been messed up by the time her phone buzzed again.

**Want me to come by on your break? We can eat and I can try to work some knots out?**

Lexa couldn’t fight the bright smile that painted her face.

**Have I mentioned you are the best girlfriend ever? I’m taking my break in an hour and a half. Meet me here, if you want to you can bring Aden, I’ll get him one of those cookies he loves.**

She looked up from the display to see a woman trying to reach for a jacket hung just out of her reach. She hurried over and grabbed it for her. The woman thanked her and Lexa busied herself finding a few others she may want to try. She didn’t get a chance to help more before her phone buzzed again. She excused herself to the back room before pulling the phone out of her pocket.

**He is actually with Lincoln and Bellamy today for “male bonding time” aka laser tag and pizza. You will just have to settle for little old me.**

Lexa shook her head.

**With you I’m never settling. See you soon. I love you.**

She slipped her phone back in her pocket and headed back out onto the sales floor. She noticed a jacket that had fallen from the hanger. She bent over to pick it up when she heard a sickeningly sweet voice from behind her.

“That is a sight for sore eyes.”

Lexa straightened up and turned slowly. This was the first time in years she had seen Costia. Her hair was a little longer but still the tight black curls she remembered. Her eyes were just as cold.

“What do you want Costia?”

“Now is that anyway to greet an old friend?” She said and took a step closer.

Lexa stepped back in equal measure, “We were never friends.”

Costia raised an eyebrow and looked Lexa’s body up and down, “I know, we were so much more than that.”

_I seriously used to fall for this? Well times have changed._ “I’ll ask again, what do you want?”

Costia seemed taken aback by her unaffected question, “I thought we could get lunch. Catch up. Like we used to. It's been so long and I’ve missed you.”

Lexa scoffed and stretched her neck. The tension of this current situation was not helping.

“You seem tense. We both know I’m good at helping you _relax_.”

That was the last straw. She was done with this conversation and knew what would get her to leave. The one thing Costia never took well, “No.”

Both of her eyebrows shot up wards and Lexa could see the tick of a frown starting, “What?”

“I said, no. I don’t want to have lunch with you or revisit old times. I moved on long ago and so should you.” Lexa said and she was pleased with how easily the words flowed off her tongue.

“Lexie…”

Lexa held up a hand and leveled the harshest glare she could at the woman, “Stop. Whatever you are trying to get isn’t going to happen. I’m not the same girl I used to be, but clearly you haven’t changed at all. I’m happy and finally the person I wanted to be. Now if you aren’t going to buy anything I suggest you leave.”

Costia seemed at a total loss for words but quickly shook it off. She gave what should have been a winning smile but had no effect on Lexa, “Maybe another day, I’ll be seeing you.”

As she walked away Lexa knew this wasn’t over but part of her couldn’t help feel proud. If this meeting proved anything it was that she really had moved on. Costia didn’t have any power over her anymore.

* * *

 

She was standing against a wall a few stores down. It had been over an hour since she walked out of the store and she was growing tired of waiting, but something told her to stick around.

A woman walked to the front of the store and waited. She had long blonde hair and a decent figure. She looked just like the sorority sluts she knew in college. Why was she just waiting by the door? Was her boy toy inside or something?

She was shocked when Lexa walked out and brought the woman in for a quick kiss. _Since when was she into blondes?_

Lexa slung an arm over the woman’s shoulder and they walked off together. So she would have to get the blonde out of the way. That shouldn’t be too hard.

* * *

 

“Oh god…Clarke…” Lexa groaned as the blonde dug her thumbs into her tense shoulders.

“You know, if you slept in a normal sized bed you wouldn’t be in so much pain right now?” She whispered into Lexa’s ear. She was sat on the edge of the fountain in the central courtyard of the mall with Lexa leaned against her front.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was just gonna stay till he fell asleep, but then I did too.” Lexa said with a pout.

Clarke chuckled at her antics and kissed her temple, “And as adorable as it was to find you half hanging off my son’s bed, let’s find a less stress inducing way to calm him next time?”

“Speaking of stress inducing…Costia came by today.” Lexa said and turned to see the expression on Clarke’s face.

She lifted an eyebrow but her eyes remained soft and caring, “And how did that go?”

“Better than expected.” She said and Clarke tilted her head and waited for her to continue, “I don’t know, I guess I was scared that if I saw her again that old weakness would still be there, but it wasn’t. I didn’t feel a thing, except seriously annoyed.”

Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist. Lexa ran her hand up and down the forearm that rested at her waist. “I meant what I said last night. This is all something I never thought I’d have. You and Aden, all of it. Now look at me…living the dream.”

Clarke squeezed her waist and kissed her shoulder, “I’m happy for you, babe. So when you get off today why don’t you come by the house. I can help relax the rest of these knots.”

Lexa turned in Clarke’s arms and saw the innuendo of her offer reflected in her eyes. She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself at how Costia had offered essentially the same thing an hour ago and the idea seemed laughable. “Oh, are we talking a full body massage?”

Clarke’s eyes seemed to sparkle as she responded, “Something like that.”

The brunette leaned in and kissed Clarke softly and she could feel the smile on her lips. She moved down and kissed her neck softly before whispering in her ear, “So how long is this male bonding time supposed to last today?”

Lexa almost purred as Clarke buried a hand in her hair and scratch at her scalp, “Bellamy might have said something about keeping him overnight.”

“That settles it then,” Lexa said and stole one more kiss but then pushed herself out of the warm circle of Clarke’s arms. She chuckled at the pout that Clarke threw at her but she brought a hand up to the woman’s cheek, “I’ll see you at home in a few hours.”

Clarke seemed surprised and Lexa almost back-pedaled but then the smile the sprung onto her face made her pause, “Yeah, I’ll see you at home.”

The blonde leaned forward for one more kiss before Lexa turned to head back to the store. She found her hand reaching for the ring she had on under her shirt that day. _Soon, she really will be my home. Soon._

* * *

 

Lexa was beyond frustrated. It had been almost a week since Costia came into the store, _the first time._ Since then she had stopped in at least once every day Lexa worked. The worst part is she wasn’t even trying to sweet talk Lexa any more. It’s like she was just there to screw with her, and it was driving Lexa nuts. She really didn’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave her alone. _If this is her way of wearing me down it is NOT working. Now I want her to go away and I want to throttle her. I could always tell Anya. No, Lexa, your sister in jail for murder is not worth it._

At least she had movie night to look forward to tonight. That meant the week was almost over, which meant hopefully Costia would lose interest and be out of her life, for good this time. She was ringing up a purse for a woman when Costia sauntered in yet again but this time she swiped Lexa’s phone from the counter next to the register.

She hurried to finish the sale and then chased after the infuriating woman, “Costia, give me my phone back!”

“Relax, Lexie, I’m just making sure you have my number. Just in case.” She said as she waved the device at Lexa.

She grabbed it and shoved it into her pocket angrily, “I’ll be sure to delete it as soon as possible. Why are you here?”

Costia didn’t even seemed bothered by Lexa’s stand-offish mood, “Thought I’d look at some purses.”

“You’ve been here almost every day this week, haven’t you seen it all already?” Lexa asked exasperated.

“Keeping track of me, Lexie,” She cooed flirtatiously and Lexa wanted to groan but knew that would only egg the other woman on.

Lexa had thoroughly had enough, “If you aren’t looking to buy something why are you still here? I made myself perfectly clear last week and every day since. You aren’t going to get anything from me.” She motioned between them, “This is never going to happen. I want nothing to do with you.”

Costia looked like she was about to retort but then her facial expression completely changed and she smirked, “We’ll see about that.”

Lexa was caught completely off-guard when Costia gripped her shirt and pulled her forward. The feeling of lips on her sent a shock of disgust through her system. It felt so wrong. She shoved the woman away as fast as she could, “What the fuck…”

She then caught the sound of something hitting the floor when she turned she saw Clarke with tears in her eyes and a bag of take out at her feet.

Lexa’s heart hit her stomach as she realized what Clarke must be thinking. Costia was only making it worse. She put a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, “Babe, you said she wouldn’t be here today.”

Lexa turned to her with venom in her voice and pushed the hand off roughly, “Will you shut up!”

The brunette turned back in enough time to see Clarke turn and basically run out of the store. She tried to follow, “Clarke…no, wait…”

Costia was far too smug as she walked toward Lexa, “Well, now that she is gone…”

It took all of her self control not to slap the woman across the face, “Do have any fucking idea what you just did?”

“I just saved you from realizing how she was no good for you Lexie.”

“Are you kidding me? You have never known what was good for me! She is the best part of my life. Oh god…I have to fix this. What am I gonna do? Oh, what about Aden?” Lexa started to say her rambling thoughts out loud trying to figure out how to save the crumbling state of her heart.

“Who the fuck is Aden?” Costia asked loudly.

Lexa balled her fists before digging her hand into her pocket and pulling out her phone. Her background was still the picture of all three of them from Christmas. Aden looked so cute and happy. Lexa shoved the phone close to Costia’s face, “This little boy is Aden, and now because of what you just pulled his mother may never let me see him again!”

Costia had both hands on her hips and scoffed, “She has a kid? You know I know you had to have sunk low with that one but this is ridiculous.”

She reached forward and grabbed the front of Costia’s shirt. She roughly dragged her to the front of the store. “Get out and if I ever see you in here again so help me, Costia…”

The woman seemed taken aback when Lexa shoved her out the doorway, but recovered quickly enough. Before she could say anything Lexa cut her off, “Another word and I will make you shut up this time.”

The ice in Lexa’s voice and eyes seemed to finally get through to the woman as she turned and walked away without another word.

Lexa took a deep breath and dialed her phone without looking. It rang twice before Anya picked up.

“Hey, Commander, everything okay at the store?”

“No. I’m closing early. Something happened…with Clarke.” Just saying her name caused dread to flow through Lexa’s chest.

“Are her and the munchkin okay?” Anya voice was laced with concern.

“They aren’t hurt, but something happened and I just can’t be at the store. I wanted to let you know I was closing it down.” She said as she locked the door and walked as fast as her legs would carry her to her car.

“Do whatever you need, Lexa, but what happened?” Anya asked and Lexa didn’t know how to answer that question quite yet.

“I’ll let you know later.” Lexa hung up without saying anything else and climbed into her car. She tried to dial Clarke but it only rung through to voicemail. She tried again and again. “Come on, pick up, pick up. Shit!”

It felt as though it took ages to reach Clarke’s house but when she pulled up the only other car there was Clarke’s. She tore out of the car and ran to the porch. She paused for only a moment to catch her breath before knocking on the door.

Her hands were shaking as she waited for the door to open. When it did Clarke was standing in the doorway her eyes hard with anger and ringed red from recent tears.

She stepped aside quietly and crossed her arms over her chest. She kept a good distance from Lexa. The brunette wanted more than anything to reach out for the woman but knew that would not be a welcome gesture. She didn’t know what to do with her hands though so she swung them uselessly at her sides.

“Clarke, please let me explain…”

The blonde lifted a hand and Lexa immediately stopped talking, “You said she wasn’t a problem. You said I shouldn’t worry. I trusted you, and this is what you did!”

Lexa couldn’t hold her tongue anymore, “Nothing happened, I swear!”

“That isn’t what it looked like to me.” Clarke said and Lexa could tell she was trying to keep her voice down. Lexa understood the need for it, Aden didn’t need to hear this.

“I know how bad this sounds but it isn’t what it looked like…”

“At least the first time I heard that I saw it coming.” Clarke said and the haunted look in her eyes broke Lexa’s heart all over again.

“Clarke, please…”

“Lexa, I can’t go through this again. Just go.” Clarke backed away further and looked anywhere but at Lexa.

Lexa wanted with every fiber of her being to fight. To keep fighting until Clarke could see that she would never betray her like this. The words stuck in her throat though, maybe she had cause enough damage here. She took a deep breath and swallowed down the tears that threatened to fall. The ring around her neck felt like a noose as she spoke, “Okay. Okay, I’ll go. I’m sorry for all this.”

Right as she was about to turn to the door a small voice caused her to freeze in her tracks.

“Rexa, where are you going? It’s movie night.”

She turned and knelt down so she would be closer to eye level with Aden. Fresh tears pushed at her eyes but she willed them not to fall. Not in front of Aden. “Hey, Buddy, I’m not gonna be at movie night tonight.”

“Why not? You’re arways at movie night.” The little boy asked confused at the sudden change in his routine.

“I know, but…umm…you know when you make a mess with your toys, what do you have to do?” Lexa asked and watched as the boy tilted his head in confusion. She tried to memorize every moment of it. She never wanted to forget a thing about Aden.

“I have to crean it up, right?”

“That’s right, Buddy. Well, I’ve made quite a mess of things, so I have to go and clean it up.”

Aden hugged Lion close to his chest and looked up at Lexa, “When wir you be back?”

It was getting harder by the second to hold back the tears, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back. It’s a really big mess.”

She didn’t realize she had failed to keep the tears from falling until Aden reached a hand out for her cheek, “Why are you crying?”

She let the tears fall but held back the sob that tried to rip from her throat, “Cause I’m gonna miss you.”

Aden seemed to contemplate something offering Lion to her, “You can take Rion with you. He makes me feer better when I’m sad.”

Lexa covered her eyes for a moment. She couldn’t do this, but she had to. To make it easier for him. “You keep Lion. He can protect you from the monsters when I’m gone.”

Aden nodded and hugged Lion again. Lexa glanced up at Clarke as she asked her next question, “Can I have a hug before I go?”

Clarke still wasn’t looking at her but nodded before Lexa opened her arms and Aden curled into her easily. She hugged him as hard as she could without hurting him and kissed his temple, “I love you, Buddy. No matter what, remember I love you.”

“I rove you too, Rexa.”

Lexa released her hold on him and wiped at her eyes. She tried to put a genuine smile on her face as she ruffled his hair, “Go play before movie night gets started.”

Aden smiled happily and ran off. Neither Clarke nor Lexa said anything. Lexa let out a heavy sigh and stood. She couldn’t help but look up one last time and see blue eyes looking back at her.

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

She turned and walked out of the house quickly. When she reached her car she froze and lost the hold she had on her fractured heart. She felt truly empty for the first time in years. The last time had been the night she thought Costia had left her life for good. She wished that could have been true now.

* * *

 

“ _Come on, Lexa, just one night out with me. It would do you good.” Anya said and placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder._

_Lexa shrugged the hand off and groaned, “You know I hate clubs, Anya.”_

“ _Yeah, I know and I am tired of watching you mope over that bitch so we are going out. Cause you know what they say, ‘Best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else’.” The blonde wiggled her eyebrows and Lexa really wanted to slap that look off her face._

_It had been two weeks since she kicked Costia out. She thought the first week had been unbearable but then Costia started messaging her and sending her pictures of “what she was missing”. It had taken her a day of staring at her phone before she blocked her number. She wasn’t going to let herself down this time, she deserved more, even if she didn’t really believe it._

_A few days later Costia had come to Lexa’s apartment and pounded on the door till she responded. When she threatened to call the cops Costia left but Lexa knew it wasn’t over. She was still waiting for the next sucker punch. The next test she would have to pass to finally move on. The last thing she needed was to drag another person into her fucked up life. As much as she hated to admit it part of her also still wanted Costia to change so they could work. She really hated that part of herself, but didn’t need to burden Anya with all of that._

“ _I don’t work like that and you know it, Anya.”_

“ _Yeah, yeah, but I do and I haven’t gotten laid in weeks. Please, just go with me as my wing woman, you can just sit at the bar like a lump all night. You’re grumpy ass will have the ladies falling over themselves to get to me.” Anya said and Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle._

_Lexa scrunched up her brows and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was going to regret this she could already tell. “Fine, I’ll go, but you are buying my drinks.”_

“ _That’s my girl. Try and let loose tonight. Seriously, I’m not good at emotions, but it can’t hurt to let yourself live. Think about it.” She said as she stood to leave for work._

_Lexa nodded and when the door closed she tilted her head against the back of the couch. She let out a heavy breath and could feel the lead like weight that resided in her chest get a little bit heavier. She was trying so hard to not show her sister how much this was affecting her. Every day was a struggle just to get out of bed, but Anya worried about her enough. Lexa didn’t want to be anymore of a burden than she already was._

_The night came fast and before she really knew it she was sitting at a bar with Anya ordering a rum and coke._

“ _Okay, so here is the plan. You sit there and look miserable and I will pick up on all the ladies.” Lexa leveled a glare at her and Anya gave her a thumbs up, “Perfect. Just like that.”_

_She rolled her eyes and took a long drink from her glass. At least Anya had agreed to pay for the copious amounts of alcohol she was going to be ingesting tonight. She was going to need it._

_She lost track of the amount of time she was sitting at the bar watching her sister talk to several different women. Sometimes she envied Anya’s ability to be emotionally distant in situations like this. Lexa could pretend but in reality she felt far too much._

_She was startled when someone came up beside her, “You look pretty miserable.”_

_Lexa turned her head and looked at the woman incredulously. She was dressed in a surprisingly sensible dress and had her hair up in a simple braid. She raised an eyebrow trying to figure out what exactly this woman was after._

“ _Don’t worry. I’m not trying to pick you up. Just figured misery loves company, right?” She tilted her head and chuckled humorlessly, “That sounded like a pick up. I just needed to get away from my friends for a minute. I can go if you really want to be alone.”_

_Lexa motioned to the stool next to hers, “Have at it.”_

_The woman sat down and ordered a drink. Lexa tapped her fingers against her glass and cleared her throat, “So why the need to get away from your friends?” Lexa asked not wanting to be rude and just blatantly ignore the woman._

_She sighed heavily, “They mean well, I know that, but I'm not really in the clubbing mood as of late.”_

“ _Recent break up?” Lexa inferred from her comment and the woman smirked and nodded._

_She took a long draw from her drink and Lexa recognized the grimace and pinched brows. It wasn't from the burn of alcohol but something much deeper and more personal, “Take it you're on the same sinking ship.”_

“ _Thoroughly sunk at this point,” Lexa said and chased the bitter taste in her throat with the burn of coke and rum._

“ _Ditto. They said this would be good for me, to get out…live a little…but I'm just not ready of any of this…” She motioned to the air around her and Lexa understood exactly what she meant. “Don’t get me wrong, though, I love them and appreciate the effort. They are just trying to help me, you know?”_

_Lexa shrugged, “You're lucky, my sister is just an asshole.”_

_The woman chuckled, “So which one is your sister then?”_

_Lexa leaned back and pointed to the side of the dance floor where Anya was leaning in close to whisper in a pretty redhead's ear. The women raised an eyebrow and shook her head, “Taking full advantage of your misfortune I see.”_

“ _Always.”_

_The woman extended her hand, “I’m Chelsea, by the way.”_

_Lexa shook the offered hand and had to admit having someone to talk was making this whole experience slightly less awful. “Lexa.”_

“ _Well, Lexa, I have a proposition for you…” she held up her hand when Lexa opened her mouth to protest, “Hear me out. I want nothing from you. You want nothing from me. I propose that for tonight we say, ‘Fuck it.’ Forget about asshole sisters, well meaning friends, and exs. Let’s just have fun and live with the understood knowledge that we are both going home alone tonight.” Chelsea said and gave Lexa a small smile of encouragement. “So what do you say?”_

_She stared at her drink and took in a large lungful of air, “I’d say…what are you drinking, Chelsea, cause your next one will be on my asshole sister’s tab.”_

“ _Alright then.”_

_Lexa lost track of time after that because for the first time in weeks she was having fun. Chelsea was funny and laid back. After a few drinks they decided to try out the dance floor. She felt like she was back in junior high at a spring fling. They spun around and danced like idiots. For once her mind wasn’t on Costia or how she was going to get through the next day. She hadn’t realized how long it had been since she let herself relax and just have fun._

_Chelsea leaned in to tell her she was running to the restroom and Lexa nodded. She leaned against the railing that surrounded the dance floor and took a few deep breaths. When she looked out over the floor she saw Anya dancing with a different girl from earlier and she could feel the smile on her face. Maybe she would have to swallow her pride and thank her sister for this after all._

_Out of the corner of her eye she caught dark curls that drew her attention. Her heart plummeted when she saw_ her _. Costia was dancing not ten feet in front of her with a woman Lexa had never seen before. She would have thought this was just the universe fucking with her until she looked up and Costia locked eyes with her. She held the eye contact for a few seconds before she winked and spun around to pull the woman she was dancing with into a heated kiss._

_Lexa had always assumed Costia was with other people whenever she left for weeks at a time but seeing it in such gross detail just broke the last shard of her heart. She didn’t even notice the silent tears falling down her cheeks until a hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present._

_Chelsea was looking at her with a worried expression, “Are you okay?”_

_She couldn’t really form words and then a sharp movement caught her attention and all she saw was Anya pulling Costia off the dance floor by her hair._

“ _Oh fuck…I have to go.”_

* * *

 

“Lexa, wait.”

The brunette was pulled from the downward spiral of her memories by a voice from behind her. She had no idea how long she had been standing there with her hand on the car door. She turned to see Clarke standing barefoot in the yard a few feet from her. Her eyes were still red-rimmed but they weren’t cold or closed off like they had been before.

The blonde took in a deep breath before locking eyes with Lexa, “Do you swear nothing has been going on?”

Lexa felt her breath catch, maybe all wasn’t lost after all. She swallowed before answering but her voice was still harsh from the tears still slowly slipping down her face, “Absolutely. I would never do something like that. I was actually in the middle of telling her off about how nothing was going to happen when she just grabbed me. As soon as I realized what was happening I pushed her away. It all makes sense now.”

Clarke’s brow furrowed, “What makes sense?”

“She kept coming by and I had no idea why because every time I told her she wasn’t going to get anything from me. I don’t know how but she must have figured out who you were and was just waiting. This was her plan all along. To cause _this_.” She motioned to the space between them. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to worry you for no reason. If I could go back I’d do it differently, full transparency, because I had nothing to hide. I don’t want her, I want you.”

Clarke rubbed her forehead, “Lexa this isn’t entirely on you. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. When I saw that…all of my fears and insecurities came flooding back and I couldn’t think straight…so I ran. I should have stayed and at least let you explain, for that I am sorry.”

Lexa nodded along but didn’t know what else she could say. Clarke still seemed so far away and out of her reach. “From now on no more running. I will sit and listen. We have to talk through things…together.”

Lexa’s head snapped up at the last word, “Together?”

Clarke gave her a weak but genuine smile, “Together.”

She took a few steps and closed the space between them. She lifted a hand to Lexa’s cheek and wiped at a tear with her thumb. The feel of Clarke’s skin against hers was like a shock to her system. She truly believed she would never feel it again, but here she was. Lexa’s hands were shaking as she brought them up to Clarke’s shoulders and then pulled her into a tight embrace. Clarke shuddered but wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and rested her head on her chest. The brunette buried her face in golden hair and inhaled deeply. It was like she was taking the first breath of air after being under water. _I don’t ever want to lose her._

When they finally pulled apart Clarke gripped her hand and turned back towards the house. Lexa thought of how close she came to losing her today and made a decision to protect the future she wanted to have.

“Not yet, I have something I need to do first.” Clarke turned back to her and gave her a questioning look, “I’m gonna make sure Costia never comes near my family again.”

The blonde’s eyes widened in surprise, “What are you going to do?”

Lexa pulled Clarke closer so she could cup her cheek and look in her eyes as she answered, “I’m not going to hurt her, but I know her. She cares about herself more than anything else. There is one thing I can say to her that will makes sure she will be out of our lives for good.”

Clarke’s face was concerned but she nodded Lexa kissed her forehead gently, “Save a seat for me, I’ll be back in time for the movie.”

Clarke chuckled, “With our usual crowd you’ll be lucky to get a seat on the floor.”

“As long as I’m near you and Aden I’ll be exactly where I want to be.” Clarke leaned in and gave her a kiss before turning back towards the house.

Lexa opened the car door and slid into the seat. She pulled her phone out and quickly dialed her sister.

“Lexa, finally, are you gonna tell me what is going on now?” She asked and Lexa could feel the concern in her sister’s voice.

“Everything is okay now, thankfully. Come to Clarke’s for movie night tonight and I promise to explain everything.” Lexa said as she held the phone with one hand and started the car with the other.

“Alright, I’ll head over there now.” Anya said and Lexa could hear the jangle of keys on the other end of the line.

“Okay, I’m running an errand real quick so just get comfortable and we’ll talk when I get there.”

“See you there, Commander.”

The line went dead and Lexa pulled the phone away from her ear. She had been careful to keep everything that had been happening with Costia away from Anya. She had even made Monroe and the others that worked in the store swear to not say anything. After what happened today she didn’t care to protect Costia from her sister anymore and she would make sure the other woman knew it.

* * *

 

_She made it out the side door of the club in enough time to see Anya’s fist make contact. Costia went sprawling to the ground and as she tried to get up Anya sent a ruthless kick to her ribs followed in quick succession by another. Lexa was frozen as she watched her sister kneel down and rain punches down on the woman._

_She had never seen Anya like this before. It reminded her of the time her father had found out about Anya’s abusive ex. What had her mother done to bring him back from the edge?_

_She ran forward and wrapped her arms around Anya’s waist and bodily hauled her off the girl. She tried to wriggle free but Lexa set her down and grabbed her wrists. Not hard enough to hurt but just to make sure she was grounded. Anya’s eyes were blank and only focused on the groaning woman on the ground. Lexa followed her eyes and said her name softly again and again to pull her back to herself._

_After a few moments Anya blinked several times and the glassiness faded from her eyes. She looked at Lexa and seemed a little confused before looking to Costia still curled up on the ground._

“ _She made you cry.” Was all she said and Lexa could see her slipping away again._

“ _Anya, no, it’s not worth it…” She looked down at the woman on the ground who was now looking at Anya with a primal fear in her eyes. Lexa realized in that moment that she was wrong all this time. She didn’t need Costia. Costia was the one who needed her and for the sake of her sister Lexa would not give in this time. She looked her straight in the eye as she said something she should have said years ago, “She’s not worth it. Let’s get out of here.”_

_Anya nodded and let her lead her towards the parking lot. Lexa wasn’t even tempted to look back._

* * *

 

“So you finally realized that the bimbo and her rug-rat weren’t good enough for you?” Lexa rolled her eyes at the sickly sweet nature of her voice but turned to see Costia walking up to her. She had asked her to meet at the courtyard of the mall, a good public place.

“You have no idea how wrong you are. Clarke is a better woman than you can ever hope to be.” Lexa said as she glared at the other woman. “Luckily I was able to fix the shit storm you started today.”

Costia’s voice was filled with ice when she replied, “If you are still with her then why did you ask me to meet you?”

“I’m here to tell you to leave. I know you always have a backup plan, so I’m telling you to take that and get out of town.” Lexa said and she could see the disbelief roll over Costia’s face as she spoke.

“And why would I do that, Lexie?”

“Simple. You see there is one person who doesn’t know a thing about what you have been doing. I made sure of it, because I really didn’t want to bail my sister out of jail,” She watched as Costia’s eyes widened at the mention of Anya, “But after what you did, what I almost lost. I don’t really care anymore. Tonight is movie night, you know?”

Costia scoffed, “Why the fuck do I care?”

“Well, you see, movie night is the one night a week we take to spend time together with friends and family. Anya is going to be there and I am going to tell her everything you have been doing. And this time, Costia, I won’t stop her. So if you remember that night as well as I do, I’d be long gone in a few hours.” Lexa said staring straight into Costia’s eyes. The woman could see how serious she was from the steel in her glare.

“Are you really doing all of this just for some bleach blonde tra…” Lexa raised a hand.

“Not another word against Clarke or I call Anya right now.” Costia took a step back and tried to glare but Lexa saw how her hands were shaking. “I am giving you the chance to leave and honestly it is more than you deserve. Now if you don’t mind I have family to get back to.”

She turned away and felt lighter than she had in days. _Time to go home._

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on Tumblr!!! smttnpegasus.tumblr.com :)


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